You want the security of a home and family life teens pussy want nsa AND the exciting risks of an outside entanglement AND the fun of a surreptitious affair w/another married person AND the steady loyalty from your affair partner that you can only expect from a noncheater AND the emotional attachment of a affair AND the emotional detachment of a robot, when it comes to jealousy. Face it: practiy speaking, this combination is never gonna happen. What's stupid is trying to keep forcing it to work for you. So figure out what you really absolutely have to have, and work on getting it without trying to grasp for all the noncompatible elements simultaneously. I would recommend you take another look at your spouse, remember what you loved about each other in the first place, and try to figure out how to reconnect with him. If that's absolutely impossible, figure out how to divorce and move forward more honestly in your life. Maybe you could find someone who isn't a cheater from jump street, who you might be able to trust and express honest emotions towards, instead of tying yourself in a knot trying to and still play it cool.